Friends come and they go,

I've realized something, like a lightbulb went off in my head. I've realized that I've missed Redlands so much, not being there for so long now, it made me homesick. I miss the memories, I bet noone remembers who I am anymore.

I miss my bestfriend, Dora. I miss how I used to run around in the playground careless of bees and everything around me. I remember playing chase at resess with Jeannie, Charlene, Dora, Kayla, and Jamie. I miss watching movies with Dora and Kayla. I miss laughing, I miss Hilary Duff obession, I miss singing to Hilary Duff, I miss Disney Radio, I miss my old room, I miss the smell of my old room, I miss how I would to kartwheels in the front of Dora's front yard, I miss going across the street of Dora's old house to the liabrary to dance on fourth of july, on her birthday staying until 1OPM, I miss laughing with Dora, I miss cheetahs, I miss Tigers, I miss watching That So Raven, I miss Disney, I miss everything from Redlands.. Nothing can compare to the memories to what I have in redlands, I remember so clearly about Redlands.. Hometown buffet.. Remembering things like these kinda sucks, cause I don't live in redlands anymore... Redlands, I miss the night time, looking at the stars, because there's no light pollution there, i miss fireworks on 4th of july, i miss how elementary school smelt like, the fun we had playing tetherball, the obession of it, how i would beat all the bigger kids, i miss the jollyrachers "grandma" would give us at resess... I miss my old priceless friends that wouldn't judge me because they didnt have to be better than me.. I miss how if I said something stupid, they'd laugh with me, instead of at me, I miss the feild trips, I miss getting sick and people comming to visit you, I miss my wall with the glow in the dark stars all over the place, i miss being 8, i miss peacebuilders... let me tell you something, redlands is nothing like LA, and LA is nothing like Redlands. When I moved to LA, my life changed completely, It's not even a lie. It was probably the hardest thing I had to do with my life.. and it's probably all thanks to what I did in Redlands that made us have to move to LA.. I just want to always remember these memories, forever even if i have like alltimers or something, i would do anything to just remember these memories, the people i can remember from redlands.. I really miss it all. Friends, they come and they go, but you have the memmories and that's what counts as long as you have that, you'll always remember them. i'll always remember these memmories.

Love, it's very Confusing.

I don't really know what to call love anymore, it's so confusing. I just want one good, striaght answer about love. But, in the reality, It doesnt seem right to let go of something you've had for so long. but it doesnt seem right, either, to hold onto something that's just not there anymore.. =/ It really sucks, knowing that you had something in the palm of your hands, and then one day it's just gone. When he told me we were better off as friends, I couldn't believe it. I was so hurt, I cried for hours, listened to r&b music. it's just time, that i've said my last goodbye. all i could think about was that time we stayed up all night talking. he didn't say that i was wrong or stupid. he didn't laugh at me when i confessed my wildest dreams. he just listened, and it was then that i knew, i wanted to be with him. I remember everything he told me )= I miss him alot, I wish he knew. I feel so weird now, not talking to him alot anymore. I wish he knew everything, everything i do just to tell him things, that i feel =/ Its kinda, impossible now since he doesnt talk to me... )= i think i did a wrong thing, when i expressed how I felt when he skated. /= BLAH. I want to give up, but I know if I do, then It would only want me to try harder.. And still fight for whats right, and I know, I know someday, somehow.. It's going to work. If I just believe )=

Life.

I don't even know where to start with this, let's just think it through. I mean, issn't this is what blogspot is for, helping me think things through? This may be my first post on Blogspot, but I want to make it strong, and worth the read. I want this blog to touch people's hearts and say that I'm an insporation, or just a big help to some. I guess that's a dream that will probably never come true, hey but who knows, right? Okay, I kinda figured out where to start with this whole thing, It's called a little thing called love. It can be a bitch to you, but it all goes on. Recently, I mett this really nice attractive looking guy, his name is Josh. He lives in Sherman Oaks, I mett him through a good friend, Grachelle. We started talking a month ago, somewhat around there, if I am correct. We talked like, every single day.. I'm not even kidding. Then, one day.. BOOOM, it's kapoop, it's all gone. I asked Grachelle to talk to him, see if he's "still in the game". He told her all these awful things about what he felt and stuff, that made me feel even worse, and made me feel like, if it was all my fault for all the problems/things he was thinking about, and talking to Grachelle about. It's not my style to just walk away from commitment, if you have a problem then say it to me. I don't want any hidden feelings, you should have told me from the start, if I recall he was the one who said "I'll never hurt you". Oh, what Bullcrap you pulled on me, haha. Well, what can we say, "the grass is greener on the otherside"? We can't always say that. I just felt this really certain way with Josh, like seriously.. I've never felt like this for another guy before.. NO FUCKING JOKEE! ): it just hurts me that I have to live like this, my feelings for hard for him... let's just say that, there's no better way of putting it, especially if he's not even going to give a fucking crap about it anyways.